Life and death

I am a soul(the reason I introduced myself as soul is that name and fame does not matter after death what matters is the inner satisfaction by doing good deeds). I died two hours ago from brain stroke. I was a doctor blessed with fame, wealth, health, family and nearly everything. My clinic used to be crowded with different sort of patients some suffering from physical traumas some from mental while some used to come to have their monthly overall health check-up. I hope the above sentences reflects the best and happy moments of my life because now I am in a state where I cannot differentiate between paradoxes like happy and sad. 

I was in my clinic treating patients when my nose started to bleed and the next moment I found myself uncouncious on an MRI machine. That lack of concious appeared to me as a dream in which you can see or feel things but cannot act and your mind is restricted to a recurring similar pattern of thoughts and overwhelming emotions(my thoughts were "what is happening to me"? "Will I ever get out of this mental cage"?)This phase was tough but I manage it by relaxing myself by saying "I will be allright it's just a headache".

My headache was getting worse with time ,my body burning as the strecher on which I was lying is on fire. The pain was unbearable , was beyond my measures. I tried to move but was unable. I was hearing the doctors screaming and trying their level best to save me, my wife weeping and praying for my health. But with all those external chatters I was focused on one single voice , asking myself "will I make it out"?

After this perpetual struggle I lost. But was on denial that how can I die so young. The moment of my death and the impeded state between life and death is unable to explain as it is far big than words to explain it with. A new wave of thoughts started to startle in my head ."what will happen to me now?" "Will I go to heaven?" "What about my daughter as she is so young?" But to avoid them I started to think about good things in my life. The little moments I and my family celebrated. The day I became a doctor etc.

My thoughts were frequently shifting between good and bad, happy and sad, anxious and care-free.I found myself (my thoughts because all I can control was my cognition) being dragged from life to death and death to life as I am the victims of my thoughts. Today I realized that life and death is single entity it can change its form any time. So be prepared for it.

My body is numb,cold like a butcher's stale meat all I am doing is thinking what will happen to me next. I am scared, too scared.